Karen Ball

One blog not enough for you? Do stop by An Awfully Big Blog Adventure, where I blog today about all the people who've contributed to my WIP - even if they don't know they've helped.

I woke up early this Sunday morning, glad to see the sun streaming into our part of the world, happy in the knowledge that a full day's writing awaited me. I was determined to work hard and work good.

'I'm going to kick some ass today,' I announced.
'Kiss my ass? Is that what you said?' teased my boyfriend.
'No, kick some ass. I'm going to get loads done.'
'Yes, kiss my ass. That's what you do.'
'Oh no, I don't. I kick your ass even when you don't know I'm kicking your ass.'
'Yes, you're an ass kisser, alright.'
And so the teasing rolled relentlessly on until I let myself out of the front door. Ah, domestic bliss.

But I have! I've kicked ass. I arrived at the Royal Festival Hall nice and early, after bumping into these Pearly Kings and Queen on the way in. I wasted the best part of 40 minutes surfing the net, gave myself a stern talking to and knuckled down. I have chopped and changed, cut and pasted, hammered away at the keyboard, scribbled pink notes in my lovely notebook, reread comments on the manuscript, treated myself to two skinny lattes and had a bit of a Kapow! moment as I suddenly realised what I needed to do.

'Backstory,' people kept saying. 'We need more backstory.' This one left me a bit flummoxed. Wasn't it there already? Didn't we know everything we needed to know? What was the point in going over stuff that had already happened? Ah. There's the rub. Perhaps we don't know everything we think we know. Perhaps everything that's happened isn't already in the story. A comment leapt out at me from the feedback I'd had on my main character: 'we don't know what she was like before.' No, we don't, do we? I thought. All that potential. All that unchartered territory. All that material waiting to be invented. Having planed and chiselled the existing story for so many months, here was an opportunity for me to invent something completely new and unexpected for my main character. Fresh material. And bam! There it was. My backstory. All it took was a leading question and an imagination craving something new to do.

The moral of the story is: don't take your story for granted. Even when you think you know everything about the novel you're writing, you might not. And listen. When other people are saying things, it's usually for a good reason.

I leave you with a photo taken on World Book Day at the Oxford Natural History Museum. That's a stuffed leopard watching the storyteller with all those children. A Kick Ass Stuffed Leopard.


 

What a week it's been. I remember promising myself that 2010 would be less full on, that I would take more time for myself and Do Less. Who was I kidding? Ah well, it's all good fun - and certainly was on Wednesday evening. I was lucky enough to attend the launch party for Undiscovered Voices 2010, the anthology that I blogged about here. The party took place on the top floor of Foyles and was a festival of excitement and buzz as agents and editors formally met the twelve writers whose lives they are to transform. The two Saras had everything organised with regimental precision, down to name badges, a Who's Who crib sheet and even the official anthology photograph. Here everyone is, having their picture taken by hordes of ... Well, not paparazzi exactly. Friends and well wishers are much nicer. It was a great evening and felt like the mark of something special happening. It was lovely to meet some of the writers, and their partners - or 'plus ones' as their name badges labelled them. Melvyn Burgess gave a speech, wine was quaffed, nibbles nibbled, faces become redder, and then it was time to go home. A typical publishing evening!

In quieter moments, I've been reading Keren David's novel, When I Was Joe. I sat on the tube one morning, my spine rigidly straight as I read chapter 24. Fast-moving and highly dramatic, I couldn't stop turning the pages, eyes darting quickly from left to right, left to right, jerking my head up occasionally (if I remembered) to make sure I hadn't missed my stop. When I reached the end of the chapter I turned back to try to analyse the craft behind this oh-so-exciting sequence. It's all in the narrative voice, darlings. Joe, our main character, breathlessly narrates the fast-moving events. It's the type of excited monologue that almost any teenager must indulge in on a Monday morning at school when reciting a weekend's adventures. 'And then this happened, and then that happened, and I said this and she said that.' Hardly a pause for breath. There are a lot of paragraphs in this chapter that begin with 'And'. The sentences dart between short and sharp and long and crammed. Keren writes as a teenager would speak. We are, by sheer force of the narrative, caught up in the excitement. Dramatic stuff and compelling craft. I have 47 pages to go.

On Saturday I spent the afternoon reading someone else's manuscript to feed back. And today, I took advantage of a birthday present to spend my time with the Urban Writers Retreat. Battling - and I mean battling - through the wind and the rain, I joined other writers in Spitalfields for a day's solid work. Amongst our group was a stand-up comedian writing new material, the owner of a classical music website, a creative writing student, several novelists and Charlie, the organiser, who was working on some non-fiction. What a mixed bag we were! I found my spot, pulled out my notebook, my netbook, my wireless mouse - and I was off. Well, perhaps not quite that energetically. I started slowly, tweaking a word here, a sentence there. Easing myself into the fourth draft. By the end of the day I'd also done about 3000 words of new writing and felt as though my vision for this draft was falling into place. The voice has changed slightly. I don't know why. More anger, more attitude, fewer languid descriptions. Or perhaps that was just the theme for today's writing. Time, as they say, will tell.

If you know anything about children's publishing, you'll know of Anne Cassidy. She's an established YA writer of gritty, tense novels. She doesn't shy away from difficult subjects and her most famous novel - 'Looking For JJ' - deals with the topic of child murder. Her writing is lean and sparse and a masterclass in the 'less is more' approach. I'd advise any aspiring writer to read Anne's books for a true lesson in the discipline and craft that allows talent to shine. There's no showing off in Anne's books, and they speak all the more powerfully for that.

Anne is also one of three authors who set up the Scattered Author Society. I have been a member for a year and now can't imagine a writing world without this group of supportive children's writers. We may not all have met, but we brainstorm book titles, share details of our professional lives, support and encourage, meet up before publishers' parties and attend retreats. Not bad for an organisation that is run on a completely voluntary basis. Oh, and we also have a rather brilliant collective blog - An Awfully Big Blog Adventure. This blog is required reading for all children's authors and anyone interested in the world of children's books. It also allows enthusiastic blog readers such as myself to explore a whole world of further blogs from individual writers.

Anne's latest book, 'Guilt Trip', is about a group of teenagers who rescue a boy from suicide, only to kill him themselves. Like all of Anne's books, it's a slim volume that keeps you tightly in its grip because of the superb plotting, authentic teenage voice and ooh... Those twists. Anne very kindly agreed to answer some of my questions and I was fascinated to hear about her writing approach and thoughts on YA fiction. I hope you enjoy the conversation:

Your depictions of adolescence prove that the devil really is in the detail. The teen relationships in 'Guilt Trip' brought so many memories flooding back for me. The subtle dance between who is going out with who, the etiquette of teen drinking, even a backpack's ties dragging across the floor as someone walks. How do you think your way back into a young adult's mind set?

I think the years between 12 and 16 are powerfully emotional years. So much happens to the young person in the space of time. There is no other period of four/five years in a lifetime when we consciously go through such major changes. It's for this reason that I remember things so keenly. When I think back to my teens it just seems like yesterday. I also use music* and talk to my family about those days. I suppose the fact that I write stories about teen life for a living means that that part of my memory is constantly stimulated.

Young Adult fiction often needs a strong voice. I love the pared back narrative that you use in 'Guilt Trip'. Not a wasted word in sight! Is this your natural writing voice, do you think, or something you adopted for the type of book that you write?

I think this is my natural writing voice. I love stories which are elliptically told. I'm not a great fan of descriptive writing unless it is poetically brief. I also like stories where the plot moves quickly. Sometimes I think I've been too brief. The ends of some of my stories feel sliced off. 'Forget Me Not' is like that. I read that over now and wish I had fleshed it out a bit more.

'Guilt Trip' deals with an event that is purportedly immoral and outrageous - the murder of a teenage boy by his peers. Yet, there are no 'baddies' in your book. The cast of characters panics and makes a bad decision. Were you consciously trying to send out a message about the hazy morality of choice, or was it simpler than that? Did it just make a good story?

There's a lot of crime fiction which deals with 'evil' people. I'm much more interested in ordinary people. I think most people, given the right circumstances, could do terrible things. You only have to look and see what happens in war zones wehre people are brutalised by what's happening to them. My characters are ordinary teens. Alison, Stephen and Jackson don't mean anything bad to happen but it does and instead of dealing with it they run away. This leads to a much worse tragedy. Each of them are pretty self centred, concerned with superfluous things and somehow amid all this a boy is killed. I honestly wonder what I would have done when I was a teen. I probably would have run a mile and hoped for the best. But by luck nothing like that ever happened to me so I am a 'good' member of society.

I've heard you speak at the Society of Authors about the fact that for several years as an author, you never met or corresponded with any other children's authors. Do you think today's world of Facebook, Twitter and social networking would have made a difference to your learning curve as a writer?

No, I don't. I like all the modern communications but my learning curve as a writer came from writing one book after another and seeing what worked. My breakthrough book, 'Looking For JJ', was my seventeenth book! I'd worked out how to do it by then.

Crime fiction is notoriously dependent on a tightly woven plot. As a crime writer, do you have any hints or tips for others who are writing in this field?

I read a lot of crime fiction and am always taking note of plot devices and interesting ways of unpacking a story. But you don't have to read crime books to discover the way to plot. Jane Austen did it brilliantly. I was stunned when Wickham ran off with Lydia. The clues were there though and JA hid them beautifully. That's all you have to do in a crime novel.

You have a long-standing career writing for the Young Adult market. Do you have any thoughts about the current fashion for YA and the type of books that are being published into this field?

I think YAF is brilliant. When I started writing there were a lot of 'issue' type books around. Now I have the feeling that good stories are the thing. I love the fact that there is such a range, vampires to political thrillers. The key always is to provide believable and interesting characters, put them in a difficult situation, stand back and see what happens.


Thank you so much, Anne. What about that? A generous admission that she's not satisfied with all her novels, some fascinating comments about the personalities in 'Guilt Trip' (I hadn't picked up on the theme of selfishness) and great advice about plotting and storytelling.

Anne's book, 'Guilt Trip', was published last month and I really recommend reading it. There's a fantastic use of a text message on the very last page that left me asking questions as I shut the book. And if you're left asking questions, that can only be a very good thing indeed.

* Please see my ABBA blog here for a discussion about music and inspiration.

If you like this interview, you might enjoy my other interviews with Michelle Harrison and Jon Mayhew.

Update! On this beautiful, sunny day I wandered down to my local Waterstones. And this is what I saw:

 

This week marks the first birthday of my blog. I remember how difficult I found it to write my first blog entries and when I revisit them it's like watching my childhood self during a visit to my grandparents: being careful with my Ps and Qs, asking permission to leave the dinner table, sitting with my knees together and no - definitely no! - licking of my plate. Oh dear. A sudden memory returns of Grandad's pancakes with homemade raspberry vinegar. I well remember my sisters and I gleefully licking our plates clean, gorging on the view of each other's flattened tongues through the transparent pyrex plates. Well, hurrah for plate licking and double hurrah for learning the fine art of blogging. The rules seem to be the same: chillax!

On this irreverent note, I'd like to direct all aspiring writers with utmost urgency to this Youtube video of the Imaginary Writing Process, which I discovered courtesy of Liz Kessler posting a link on Facebook. (Liz, by the way, has one of the most superb writer websites I have ever seen.) The video made me laugh a lot and I loved the image of writer and agent skipping and dancing towards a publisher's office. Cycling to work this week, I remembered the video and laughed out loud once again as I steered my way through Islington streets. I now insist that if Jenny, my agent, and I ever get to the stage of presenting my current manuscript to publishers we dance the good dance, hand moves and everything. I'll be practising!

Jenny and I met on Tuesday to discuss my next draft of the current Work In Progess. I did my usual: mumbling incoherently, allowing Jenny to reassure me and steer me until I finally hit upon an idea that could work. I am going to deliver a new draft in April so I will definitely need this blog to keep me going. Nothing like reporting to others to inspire self-discipline!

This latest draft seems to coincide with a strong creative urge that has led to... Well, can you guess from the photos? I find my evenings of crafting the perfect balance after a day's concentrated editing in the office. Both need patience and concentration, but make quite different demands on my time and mind.



Finally, and most importantly. Please do come back to my blog at the weekend to see the third of my Author Interviews. We will have a very special guest ... Anne Cassidy, author of the recently published 'Guilt Trip' and 'Looking For JJ'. I'm excited. Are you?

Yes, it really is. The above photo was taken by the husband of a lovely Walthamstow friend who baked the three tier birthday cake you can see the top of. I've never had three tiers in my life! Well worth turning 40 for. Can you believe how kind people are? I'm still staggered at the effort people went to for my birthday party at the Adam Street Club*, travelling the length of the country, booking babysitters and hotels, buying presents - and yes, baking cakes. I'll tell you something, though - we had a brilliant time. What else are significant numbers for, if not to bring friends together? I don't know how I'm going to top this when I turn 50!

Writerly presents included a beautiful notebook for my scribbles. I love looking back through full notebooks and revisiting my thoughts, word counts, chapter lists, shopping lists, web addresses, doodles and stains from months and years ago. In the day and age of a clean and easily amended Word document, this is often the only 'history' left behind by many a manuscript. Though I still own sheafs of typesetter's pages from my first novel. I can't bring myself to throw them out, even though they sit in a blanket chest being ignored.

Another unexpected but perfect present was a place booked at the Urban Writers Retreat. I love the UWR and can't wait to spend another day with the host, Charlie, and other writers as I work on ... what? My current novel or my next one that doesn't actually exist yet? I've had feedback on my work in progress from my agent, Jenny, and another friend who kindly read the latest draft. I meet with Jenny on Tuesday and then there will be further revisions. In the spirit of full and frank disclosure, I should admit that I had a slight wobble earlier in the week, worrying not that I would disappoint myself (well, that's always a worry!) but that I would fail others. I'm over it now, and these wobbles are all a writer's due, but I would like to thank my writing group who were there when I sent a thinly veiled plea for ego massage. 'I feel sorry for myself and would like you to make me feel better.' Oh dear, Karen. Not a single person told me to pull myself together, and for that I am grateful!

Today, I rest my weary body and drink many liquids. Tomorrow, it's back to the workaday world. And next weekend, I shall undoubtedly be writing. One other inspired birthday gift was a flask. Now I can take hot drinks with me to the Royal Festival Hall when I'm writing! My only concern is that the gift arrived in my hands sans a gift tag, and I don't know who bought me this lovely present. Anyone out there want to let me know who you are? Because I'm ever so grateful.

* A great venue, highly recommended, with lovely staff.
 

Right, come on. Enough is enough. I've spent the past month reading other people's manuscripts, pontificating on blogs, celebrating friends' publishing deals and generally doing anything other than writing. But now I am ready to return to the coal face, re-energised. Well, perhaps not quite re-energised. But writing is a bit like any other exercise - stop using the muscle and it turns flabby. I am definitely going to do some new writing ... tomorrow. So shoot me! It's mid-afternoon, the sun is out, I've been working for four hours and if I don't get some fresh air soon, I'm going to crumble. (I love you, Royal Festival Hall, but whoever controls your heating system has tropical tastes.)


I have a new book idea! That's a start, isn't it? Yes, Karen, if you're a fan of Jeremy Kyle. I ran the strapline for my idea past a friend and asked, 'Too trashy?' Dear blog reader, we all need honest writer friends. 'A bit trashy,' she admitted. So I've tweaked my new favourite idea and still think I have something there. Hopefully not something that could be an episode of the morning TV show we all love to hate.

Honest Friend mentioned above is in the same writers group as me and we met this week. I bemoaned my inability to talk coherently about my manuscripts - to sell my ideas. So we've all tentatively agreed to meet up at our next meeting with a pre-prepared pitch. I am determined to sound confident yet relaxed, succinct yet punchy as I reel out a novel summary that will send publishers falling at my feet. Either that, or I will blush, laugh nervously, wave a dismissive hand in the air, forget my rehearsed speech, lunge for a glass of wine and swallow it down the wrong way. That's how I usually behave when things really matter.

I have two more things to mention before I race out into the sunshine. Have you visited An Awfully Big Blog Adventure recently? Please do, as I have blogged there today about the quiet secrets of publication day. And please click on the 'conspiracy theory' link as it takes you to a comic strip that I put together all by my self.

The second thing? Next week, I turn 40. I'm throwing the Party Of Dreams to celebrate. The last time I threw a party on this scale was probably when I turned 18. I hired out the bar in Chesterfield Football Club. (Oh, the heady glamour!) As a birthday surprise, my two allegedly best friends booked the town's notorious Tarzan-ogram. Do you know what it feels like to have an oiled muscle man with a Derbyshire accent and tattoos throw you over his shoulder? Neither do I, I've worked hard on erasing the memories. Let's hope no surprises are planned for this party. I don't think the venue would appreciate fake tan, blonde highlights and a Tarzan outfit.





 

I love a good luck story, don't you? Only, there's one thing we should all remember about the world of a writer: you make your own luck. And never was this lesson more evident than yesterday morning when an announcement arrived, tucked away in a sidebar on the newsletter for the Publishers Weekly Children's Bookshelf. Harper Collins US had bought the North American rights to a trilogy written by Jasmine Richards, senior commissioning editor at OUP.

I know Jasmine. We used to work together at Working Partners, both starting at the company in the same year. You can see her in this photo* on the left, taken during one of our Away Days. Well, waiting on the side of the road with her colleagues after our bus broke down. It's easy to spot Jasmine - she's the one in the middle who is... How do I put this? Performing. Yes, Jasmine was always destined to set the world alight one day - either with her jazz hands or an astounding novel.

When I joined WP, Jasmine had already been there a few months. A joy to be around, she would sometimes say, 'Yes, I really need to sit down and write a novel.' That was five or six years ago. During the passing years she grew as an editor at WP, left to become a star senior commissioning editor at OUP, valiantly talked and appeared at every writers conference in the Western hemisphere, commuted between London and Oxford, did an intense period of maternity cover ... oh, and wrote the first book in a trilogy. If that isn't enough for you, she also thought up one of the most evocative titles I've ever come across for a novel: The Windrose. It doesn't matter if you don't know what the book is about, you close your eyes and imagine... All sorts of things! For me, a warm breeze off the sea (okay, I know a few details about the book), a ship, a quest, some romance...? We'll all find out in 2011 when the first book comes out.

What do I like about Jasmine's story? The sheer chutzpah she showed in getting on with a first novel - the writing and redrafting that took place in the hours left after a full day in the office. The creative determination to see through a project that was larger than life - Jasmine had a big manuscript and big ideas. The strength of character to do something that most people just talk about and the ability to keep going. 'Keep swimming!' as they tell us in the film, Finding Nemo. That's good advice for any writer.

And what do I like about Jasmine? Well, as you can probably tell from the gentle teasing I've already indulged in, she's a warm and charismatic personality who everyone loves. She deserves 2010's good news. Because there's something else we all need to remember about good luck. You can't just make it happen. You have to deserve it, too.

Well done, Jasmine. More people are proud of you than you can possibly know.

* Also in this photo is Sara Grant, author of debut novel Dark Parties, to be published by Little Brown in 2011 and Guy Macdonald, one of the Beastly Boys who write the 'Awfully Beastly Business' series for Simon and Schuster. Working Partners seems to be a breeding ground for children's authors!

Last year, we had a sofa bed put into our study.  'Just think,' Ian said, 'you'll be able to sit there and read manuscripts.' 'Yes!' I agreed. Since then, the sofa has become a dumping ground for balls of wool, computer wires, hairbrushes - yes, the odd manuscript. But sit there, I have not. Until today! I settled down with a copy of Undiscovered Voices 2010 to find out which authors I would be watching in the years to come.

Undiscovered Voices is a publishing innovation headed up by Sara O'Connor and Sara Grant under the umbrella of SCBWI-UK. It's nothing short of revolutionary. The first edition in 2008 arrived quietly and then exploded. It was a bit like watching a shy Susan Boyle walk out on stage and start to sing. I don't think anyone was prepared for Susan's stage talent or the extraordinary impact that two editors have had on the current children's publishing scene.

So they're back for an encore. With 12 new voices, all unagented, I know that publishers and agents are already scrambling to sign up talent on the back of this latest book. And there are many reasons to scramble. Some of the titles alone are intriguing: 'Fifteen Days Without A Head' and 'At Yellow Lake' are two of my favourites. The range of narrative characters was inspiring: a girl living in Iraq, a teenage actress, children of an alcoholic - and let's not forget the kid who goes to Alien School. I possibly related most to the girl who inhabits 'Not Just The Blues'. Angry, unreasonable, witty, occassionally sad... Did I mention angry? Cordelia's need to escape the humdrum of her life and chase after the glamour of the city seemed lifted from my own angry adolescence. That girl has personality in spades. 

I also adored the drawing of a booze-addled mother in 'Fifteen Days Without A Head'. No detail of her is supplied other than her dialogue and her drinking. We read all the rancid details of sick in the bath, bad breath, foul moods, missed days at work - but we are never given a single detail of what this woman looks like or actually is beyond her drinking. I thought this was a powerful reflection of the way that an alcoholic's personality is rubbed away at, edges blurring under the press of an eraser called 'Drink'. Powerful stuff.

And I was intrigued by the colour of 'Adele'. All those shades of white - fake blonde hair, the pale Mom, a face dusted white, and of course the incredibly powerful, 'The shape is white'. This story felt like a cross between Wuthering Heights and A Woman In White (though I confess I have never read the latter). An extremely sophisticated ghost story.

All in all, a wonderful reflection of the range available to all children's writers. These 12 people will soon be knocking loudly at publishers' doors. Open up!


And what of the rest of my writing life? Yesterday, I went on a walk around London's East End where we paused by this sign for Norton Folgate. A distinct district in what once was a poverty-riddled Spitalfields, this was a cherished sanctuary to London's creatives. Today, the street still feels thick with Victorian soot and dust and I could just imagine what a fertile subject matter it would be for a novel. Inspiration, inspiration, everywhere. All we need to do is write the damn thing - as recently detailed in an ABBA blog of mine!

And prior to that, I went for dinner with three writer friends in the rather gorgeous Artisan restaurant at the Westbury Mayfair hotel. Go, go, if you can! It was such a great venue with lovely food and great staff. We talked and talked and chinked glasses and talked and 'hurrah'-ed. It was a great evening and the waiters were very patient, as we talked so much we almost forgot to order.

Today I had hoped to write a first chapter of something new. I even managed to scribble some notes on the bus yesterday. But I have already been out for a long run this morning and other commitments are piling up. A blog to write. Someone else's writing to read. Manuscripts from the office to edit and a 'Storyline Extravaganza' to organise. So, no writing. Oh well. As Celebrity Big Brother's Ivana Trump gloriously declares with a philosophical shrug: 'It is what it is.' Oh, to have her money, ahem, I mean attitude.

Writing? It is what it is. It'll happen.

I come to you today from a train taking me away from Preston, back to London Euston. We've been given a free upgrade to First Class and I have Internet access - what more could a girl ask for?

I've spent the weekend in Lancaster with two old friends as we revisited haunts from our university days. Many pubs have been involved, one campus, a seaside town, curry houses, buses, and a lovely hotel with magnificent food. I haven't done any writing, haven't thought about writing, barely talked about the publishing world that takes up so many of my waking and sleeping hours - it's been just the break I needed.

Memory lanes are funny old things though, aren't they? For me, university was a challenging combination of fun and misery, great friendships, awful fallings out. My final year was bleak and I still shudder to recall the aching loneliness of what it is to be young and unhappy. Revisiting the house we lived in for a year at Morecambe made me breathless with excitement, but the years hadn't been kind to it. Rotten window panes, moss-covered steps, fading paint, a sagging roof... Why hadn't anyone looked after the shell that once housed some of the most significant moments in a 20-year-old's young life? Standing in the back alley amongst the puddles, I gazed up at my old bedroom window and was glad not to have even a glimmer of the misery I'd once felt, walking home down that alley one morning 19 years ago.The past is another country - I did things differently there.

I also visited the campus library and picked out a bound copy of my old exam papers, spotting the question on King Lear that I'd answered. The student newspaper is still going strong and I flicked through that, remembering my own attempts to help on the paper. (Too shy to actually write, I acted as their proofreader for a few weeks.) There was the bookshop where I'd bought a copy of every Margaret Atwood novel I could get my hands on, each 'series branded' with matching cover designs. All the pieces of the jigsaw were falling slowly into place. The final piece came when I attended a lecture from industry professionals on publishing as a career. Their opening statement was stark: if you want to earn your fortune, don't come and work in publishing. I remember walking back to halls, trying to decide if their warnings were enough to put me off. By the time I pushed open the bedroom door, I knew my fate was sealed. I was going to go and work in publishing. 400 application letters and a postgraduate diploma later, I found myself in the arse end of Caledonian Road working for a book packager, living in Hackney. My career in publishing had begun. I was already a long way away from that little house in Morecambe. But it was lovely to see it again this weekend. It's still part of who I am. I fell in love there - not just with a silly boy, but with a life that led me here today.